Thursday, February 06, 2020

Deviance?

Red Rose by Masaaki Komori
 “It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love


Aberrations or deviant behaviour, as they call it, are not easily accepted. But, as humans, we naturally seek bonds beyond conventions. It is our basic desire to connect with people at deep levels, to grow together, share ideas, thoughts and plans. We all seek people to fallback on, to rely upon in our weak times. We aspire to achieve together as well as to feed our souls. As a normal human being, we seek multi-dimensional growth. Material well being is to be supplemented by expanding and expressing our inner worlds for best of life. And somewhere, we desire to be prioritized and cared for without judgements.. We do not wish to feel lonely.

More often than not, we are never taught to communicate, manage and address these basic needs. Actually, there exists no fixed formula to deal with it and we have to rely on our 'guts' to identify our 'go to' people. The people we consider safe repositories. Its high stakes and fraught with risks, for we are seeking to be understood. Its a matter of trust and fractures often lead to crumbling, collapses and losses, specially when support and help are not provided even on asking. Ironically, on the contrary, cultures have normalised shamming for expressing our deeper selves and it becomes terrible when the shamming comes from our close bonds. It shakes the foundations of our connections. Lack of support and invalidation of our beliefs, which may or may not match with others', become caustic life experiences. We try to navigate through it all and reclaim lost peace. And it is not an easy task. Sometimes, it feels like a lost cause, a big lie!

But being intrinsic to our existence and nature, the need for a true connection manifests itself. Again and again, in our subconscious behaviour? These can be interpreted negatively, specially when their is blocking of communication. You realise you should have invested cautiously. And of course, the process shall face challenges, internal and external. Your experiences have also taught you to screen connections, shortlist beautiful ones and invest in people. You have also learnt to seek help, when required. Still fiascos happen. Things break and you weep. It is part of your journey. It is never easy to forgo living people, but once in a while you have to. It often occurs to your head, "Whether it was good to let the secondary treatment continue? Was that test important?" Ugly, as they may seem, some actions are sheer necessity. And in the process if someone blames you for doing the necessary, they may as well be the collateral damage. In the end we learn, "Being alone is always better than feeling lonely among your 'friends'".

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