Thursday, February 12, 2009
Me Against Myself.
Image courtesy : DerrickT on Flickr, check usage terms before using the image.
Don't know why but off-late this self-proclaimed insensitive soul is becoming extremely sensitive towards people. As always I still acknowledge that I must not exercise control over anyone else's life and therefore on ocassions try to refrain from showing my concerns. This sometime exaggrates my problems but atleast makes me feel that I saved others from the trouble that I could have caused to them. The oxymoron in me continues to contradict itself. Last week was a chick one, college fest days provided cool entertainment and the following times proved to be calm and composed ones with the whole class on bunking spree, giving reason of preparation for the mid-sem exams we are having these days. Don't know but sometime I tend to isolate myself from the whole lot and that usually happens when others enjoy the whole get-togethers. Today's evening excursion was fun but a large part of it was unusually silent and expressionless with most communication occuring just through simple gestures. Back in the hostel a few clicks make me enjoy but some time on Orkut depresses me again and I wish to change a lot about myself. Little chat with Shrey calms me down a bit and the tapping of keyboard makes me vent out a lot of tension. Feeling quite relaxed, rejuvenated and positive for the time being and concentrating just on the present dimensions, leaving aside the imaginative world I tend to drift away quite ocassionaly. Gearing up for the next tide of pangs and emotions and expecting to revert back to my original unmodified form I came to NIT in. Wish to be straight forward, unbiased, not going by words but observations and the attitude that made me go straight in face with people. Hope I loose the social attachments I have added to myself, giving myslef another chance with the unanimate things like laptops, novels, books, gadgets and such stuff. Then and only then I would be able to move forth from the fear of hurting anyone around me! Though a part of me will never let it happen, but hope and efforts are the only things with me.